“Balancing momminess and sexiness? Yeah, right!” This is the most common response I hear when I tell people about my novel, “Momnesia.” Until people read it, of course, at which point their response changes to, “The woman in that book is living my life!”
It’s about an unconventional entrepreneur who, struggling between her “momminess” & her “sexiness,” diagnoses herself with Momnesia and sets about finessing a new version of her old vivaciousness. Basically, she is my hero.
However, I’m a realistic person. Let’s face it… I’ve got four kids! Two daughters, 11 & 14, and two step sons, 17 & 19. Not to mention two cats, two houses, and two husbands (although not simultaneously of course!). Are you noticing a theme here? There are two of everyone else, but only one of me. Yikes!
To top it off, one of my daughters has ADHD and while she is a fantastic kid, I’ve seriously considered creating a recording that plays in a continuous loop, “Don’t forget… you’re in there to brush your teeth. Are you almost done?” I could save my voice by playing this every morning between 6:30 – 7:30 am and every night from 8:30 – 9:30 pm. In fact, I could probably develop a multi-pack CD set including many popular phrases like, “Remember, we’re leaving in five minutes!” and “Your homework needs to go directly INTO your backpack.”
Yet I did say that I’m a realistic person. I’m also a fact-oriented person and when it comes to making choices, my default response is to ask myself, “Which is worse?” Sure, life is exhausting. Between work, family, household responsibilities, and the multitude of additional exercises of my patience, it would be very easy (and has been in the past) to just put my Self off for another time—some fictional day in the future when I’ll finally have time to pursue my own interests (also known as both shampooing my hair and shaving my legs in the same shower).
At the same time, I got to a point where I missed Myself, and when push came to shove the answer to “Which is worse?” was, for me, that it’s even more exhausting to live my life to the complete exclusion of Myself than it is to find ways to treat myself well on a daily basis.
So I decided to come up with what I call Small Daily Decadences. Sure, it would be nice to go to a spa retreat for a weekend with my girlfriends, but I can’t sit around waiting for that to happen! Instead, I integrate small, manageable things to my daily life, which I have found make me feel more relaxed, less resentful, and more energetic overall!
For example, I personally feel like drinking coffee in bed is a super decadent thing. So in the morning, instead of staying downstairs in the kitchen with my coffee, I bring it back up to the bedroom to sip it (albeit still yelling down the hall, “Don’t forget, you’re in there to brush your teeth!…”). It may seem like a small thing, but for me, it makes me feel like I’ve started my day doing something really special for myself.
Other things I enjoy include lighting scented candles even when no company is coming, wearing my “big girl” clothes instead of “saving them” for some fictional day, eating a Hershey’s kiss and actually taking a moment to savor it, and drawing the line with my kids at certain times in the evenings and on weekends when they know that it’s Mommy’s time and no, I do not want to play Twister (again), thank you very much!
What about you? Can you think of some Small Daily Decadences you can implement into your life? (Feel free to share them by commenting below!) Maybe your gift to yourself could be to start them on Mother’s Day and commit to do them well beyond! I look forward to hearing your ideas!
I wrote this for It’s Mama’s Turn Now.